The fear of failure encompasses many things. Often it’s hard to get over because you haven’t identified an underlying pattern that causes you to act in a certain way and therefore set yourself up for failure. Thus confirming your belief – that you will fail; that you are a failure and therefore you are not worthy.
What happens is we take external circumstance, comments and situations, bring them inside to evaluate our own worth (our inner being). This recipe, which by the way is cemented in habit with it’s associated neural pathways to reflect it, is destined to leave you never feeling like what you do is enough.
Let’s look more closely at one of the underlying patterns that sets up a persons failure – their fear of rejection. And example of this coming through would be asking from help.
I cannot ask because:
they might say no.
they’re to busy.
It’s not important.
Easier if I just do it myself.
All these, and more, mask the fact that you fear being rejected. That you feel like “ask and I shall not receive”, which should actually read “ask and I cannot receive” because you’ve set yourself for that reality.
Yes, there will be times when someone says no to your request. And if you follow your preset thought patterns, you’ll interpret them as saying no to you. The external invalidates the internal – but only when we choose to.
Yes that’s right, it is a choice to think in that way. A choice that is preset and now done without you even thinking. But a choice, none the less, and therefore one that you can undo.
By you simply reading this and bring it to your awareness, you are opening a gateway in your consciousness that there is another way. And that’s the start.
I remember when I was first starting out running the Awakening The Warrior Within Program; it was the best personal development I’ve ever done because I had to put myself out there in the public eye where I could be rejected.
If I had just stayed in the military doing what I was really good, at then it would have been easier and I would’ve been able to protect myself from that rejection.
Stepping out I’ve been called everything from a crackpot to a charlatan. However, I ever continued. At times I took internal hits and had to work through them to let them go. What aided me was allowing myself, in a non-judgemental way, to see where those people were coming from who make the comments.
And then today I received the most amazing email from an incredible Mother who has been holding a family together as best she can whilst her son was intensely angry and depressed by the loss of two very close mates to suicide. His work on the Warrior program allowed him to let them go and start to live again. I was in tears reading it and feeling the gratitude of being able to do what I do. But I also realized that I no longer need the external acknowledgement to know that I am on purpose as it’s so strong in me now.
The perception of rejection comes to someone who’s lost their connection. Connection to their hometree, to their King, Higher Self, God, The Universe or whatever it is that a person sees as their connection to the thing higher than themselves.
One who feels rejected will attempt to control for they are been driven by an internal lack of trust resulting in a belief they are the only ones they can truly be relied upon. But by virtue of this belief, they are actually attacking themselves by believing they are not worthy.
To let go of the fear of rejection is to say that I am enough. Situations and events may not go to plan, however, that is not a reflection of Who I am. That is a reflection of how I am engaging my environment, which may need to change for me to achieve what I want. This simple change in perception allows me to receive constructive criticism more openly as it is not a slight on my Self.
One of the greatest examples of the change from external action reflecting the internal value, are parents who now choose their words carefully when enforcing boundaries with their children by separating the child’s actions from the child themselves.
So instead of saying “You silly boy”, or “You’re hopeless,” they say “That was a silly thing to do, because look at the results”, or even better “Does that action demonstrate respect? And if you don’t respect other people and their things, who aren’t you respecting?” Children will always know the answer – themselves. I’d suggest that’s not so with all adults 😉
These simple examples are setting children up to understand that who they are is not a reflection of what they do. And that is a gateway to freedom from rejection.
Now over to you to start to change your thought patterns and therefore let go of the things stopping you get what you want.
If you want assistance with this, download your free copy of the E-Book, Aligning With What You Want, which you’ll find on the right of the screen. It will assist you create your own personal foundation towards letting go of the fears.