Harsh Versus Firm: How We Injury Ourselves

“We are our harshest critic”
Bet you’ve heard that before, and for many it’s true.
To grow as a person requires discipline and coming from an ex-military guy, many would think ‘oh he’s all over that’. It couldn’t be further from the truth, just ask Kirsty 🙂 Matter of fact many people transitioning from a rigidly routined environment into something far more flexible like self employment struggle with self discipline because they’ve operated for so long in an ‘imposed discipline’ environment.
Personal growth requires self awareness or reflection. Initially people can get caught in self flagellation leading to a decrease in self esteem and confidence. This is because of the harshness they use in the judgement of themselves.

Hollowness, Humility And Greatness – The Confusion

Conquering SelfJust because everyone sees you as great and amazing doesn’t necessarily mean that you believe them. Matter of fact, we meet our harshest critic every morning in the mirror, so we’ll often dismiss praise directed towards us.

  • When praised, have you ever had a thought like:
  • It wasn’t that great
  • Oh yeah, but I had some help
  • I was just lucky I guess, or
  • When’s someone going to find out I’m not that good.

All these are natural thoughts for a person who’s battling to understand, and come to terms with, who they really are, what their purpose in life is and what to do with the talents that have been bestowed on them.

Often a person will dismiss the talent comment by, ‘oh I don’t really have any amazing talents’.

This inner critic is often disguised or mislabeled as humility, especially in Australian society, .

There is a major difference, humility acknowledges the talents and is grateful for the good they can do in the service of others. Denial of our qualities leads to a hollowness, a tiredness inside that is inescapable, and at times can become all consuming.

When I first left the military and became a personal development presenter and facilitator, I couldn’t understand what destinypeople saw in me as I was still battling my inner demons. Depression had set in and I was still in the process of recovering from Post Traumatic Stress. I felt ashamed that people would think I had my ‘shit together’, when I often found myself on the couch with no desire to do anything. This was coupled with a belief that I had to have all my shit together when I was helping others realize their own greatness.

I’ve since matured to see myself on a journey climbing my own mountain face. I help others who are climbing on their own mountains. I just, because of my objective position, and personal talents, can see and aid them see, where to put their hand on their next move.

The mark of a persons greatness is not how they are viewed by everyone else; it’s how they view themselves, in an objective, balanced, humble, grateful and loving way. For when they connect completely with themselves they can best utilize the talents they have in the service of others.

This is a great video on an amazing guy, Darius Boyd, who has not just the talents, but the courage to face his inner demons to allow himself to reach his full potential.Darius Boyd Australian Story



If you’re a man and know you want assistance in letting go of the hollowness to allow yourself to reach your flu potential then the Awakening The Warrior Within Program is for you.

If you’re got young men who would really benefit from being challenged physically and mentally; from assisted to become balanced emotionally literate Young Men, then the Young Warrior Project is from them.

So If Change Isn’t Feared, What Is?

Changing SelfI used to believe a person fears change. Now I realise one doesn’t fear change as it’s a constant. They fear the unknown on the other side which they perceive may bring pain. And they fear the unknown because they don’t believe they are enough, therefore have to cling to what they have for fear of loss.

Calling On All Dads!



I learnt the hard way, that the environment I set as a father is critically important in my children’s development.
When I had Post Traumatic Stress and was intensely angry, Pene was in Kirsty’s womb. I recovered and let go of my anger, but at the age of 4, every time I became ester in any way to assert an issue or boundary, Pene would run to her room and adopt the fetal position and start crying.
It took 6 months of continued work to firstly forgive myself and secondly help her to work through her fears. Anything can to reversed, or let go of, when it is bought into the light of awareness.
So to all fathers who are out there doing the best they can, that’s awesome! Now have a look at your emotions because you may not think they’re are an issue. But, you’ve desensitised yourself and your youngsters haven’t. It you want to take your relationship with your kids to a whole new level, a level of even deeper trust and love, then become an emotional master, and show them how it’s done. In other words be a leader

Is Darth Vader In Us All?

Responsibilityby James Greenshields

We don’t fear freedom, we fear the responsibility that comes with it.

I once heard this and upon the realisation of it’s meaning, my life changed.

So then this evening I find myself talking to both my daughters about their choice of behaviour. Excited about being at Granny’s place they have been bouncing around and disrespecting each other in a power grab. Continually playing into each others hands and in the process becoming annoyed with each other.

Then I heard it …

“I didn’t make her feel that way, she chose to”.

My skin crawled.

Taken literally, this statement is fact. We cannot make anyone feel a certain way. They must choose based on their perception about the situation and generally a decision they make about themselves. A truly powerful

Are You Willing To Go From Good To Great?

Dreams To Realityby James Greenshields

Are You Willing To Go From Good To Great?

I’ve just been constructing the training our team from the Centre For Resilient Leadership are going to be doing next week. And in doing so, I personally was revisiting our intention for the Centre and 2015.

A key element of this is helping people go from Good to Great.

In going from Good to Great there are things that an individual has to let go of. Things that have served them to get this far, but have now outlived their purpose. Yet these are often the hardest things to let go of because the person has a rationale that says these things have gotten them this far. Therefore surely they are the things that will allow them to go further !?!

10 Rules For An Adequate Life

Change Of PerspectiveBy James Greenshields

Do you claim you have or want a great life, but take action to have an adequate one?

Do you believe you’ve got a great life, yet still sense a hollowness inside?


Rules For An Adequate Life:


  • Dismiss your gut feeling, what your heart has been telling you for years.
  • Believe in compromise
  • Dismiss suggestion of change by “Yeah but …”
  • Blame others, the situation or your environment for your fortune and circumstance

Don’t Reject Me!

Anthony Hopkins

By James Greenshields

The fear of failure encompasses many things. Often it’s hard to get over because you haven’t identified an underlying pattern that causes you to act in a certain way and therefore set yourself up for failure. Thus confirming your belief – that you will fail; that you are a failure and therefore you are not worthy.

What happens is we take external circumstance, comments and situations, bring them inside to evaluate our own worth (our inner being). This recipe, which by the way is cemented in habit with it’s associated neural pathways to reflect it, is destined to leave you never feeling like what you do is enough.

Fear Goal Setting?

Expose yourself to fearby James Greenshields

Scared of setting Goals?
You’re not on your pat malone.
‘What happens if they’re the wrong ones?’
‘What happens if I don’t achieve it?’
‘I don’t want to get wrapped up in the achievement spiral as I’ll loose myself’
‘I’m happy with what I’ve got’
Under each one of these, and for that matter any negating statement of setting goals, is a fear.

The fear of failure is quite obvious, yet it’s an illusion bread from past experiences where you’ve judge your success in terms of external recognition and validation. In other words you’ve made a decision about yourself that in some way you are not worthy of having what your heart desires. So you’ve trained your mind to think a certain way. And that is the way to an adequate life. This is not Living.

Are You Ordinary?

Some Advice

By James Greenshields

“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.” – Maya Angelou

Have you ever thought: “Oh, I’m just ordinary.”

If you have, my guess is you haven’t actually stopped to think what ordinary is exactly.

Ordinary is defined as being with ‘no special or distinctive features: normal’.

But as I stated in ‘Upper Cut Or Depression?’, ‘Normal is simply a conditioned cognitive response, performed by most, in order to alleviate fear, avoid embarrassment and resist change.’